Let it be known, on this 95 degree day…while I’m wearing a dress…walking down a city street…a little bit sweaty…
I have fully accepted and am at peace with the fact that I will never, ever, ever get the sensation of a cool breeze blowing through my…
That’s right, my thigh gap. I do not have one —SHOCKER, right!? #duh. Never had it. Never will. I came into this world from the womb with squishy chubby thighs that stick together and that’s how I’m gonna roll out.
Certainly I’ve been curious during my 42.5 years on this Earth what it might be like to run and exercise in cute little nylon shorts and NOT experience friction so intense that Boys Scouts could use me to create a campfire (‘Smores, anyone??);
to walk around all-day wearing a skirt and NOT end up with “chub rub” so bad that my thighs feel like they’ve been buffed with sandpaper (Please pass the Body Glide);
to sit on the beach enjoying the sun, and stand up and NOT find that my squished up thigh fat has created its own tan line around the bottom of my swimsuit (I’m my own personal solar eclipse);
to own a pair of jeans and NOT wear them out…IN THE THIGHS (Apparently something does come between me and my Calvins);
to look at my naked legs in the mirror and NOT wonder how far apart my feet would have to be in order to achieve a thigh gap (Disclosure: Mary Lou Retton couldn’t get her feet that far apart if she tried).
At this point though, it’s a matter of my age and my genetics working against me, as well as a realization that MOST women do not possess a thigh gap…and some of the ones that do, have it only because of Photoshop! Sure, with some creative dieting, exercise, and plastic surgery I might be able to attain the elusive gap, but it’s not really a goal. And it never really was a goal, but…
While I certainly don’t mind if they politely high-five one another from time-to-time, or cheer me on with encouraging clapping while I run, I would like to achieve a place of harmony with my thighs where they are no longer slammed against one another like angry sumo wrestlers bound together with super glue!
So in lieu of a thigh gap, I guess I’ll settle for the mermaid thighs… maybe.
That is all. You may now return to your reps of squats, leg lifts, and lunges. My thighs applaud you!