Run Like A Princess. Sweat Like A Whore In Church.

I think there’s something fun and frivolous and fantastical about getting all dolled up in a colorful skirt or a tutu, donning an overly bedazzled running top, putting forth the effort to apply a little bit of mascara, attempting to tint your smile with a hint of petal pink tinted chapstick, and topping off your look with a crown or tiara before heading out to run in a princess-themed running event.

But when you do all these things at 2:30am in advance of an hour-long drive through miles and miles of orange groves to arrive at your running destination, well…you do begin to question your decision-making skills just a little, tiny bit.

And that’s precisely what happened to me on the morning of Saturday, February 22, 2014.

IMG_0566
Who knew mice sweat???

All of the sudden, it didn’t matter that the running destination was the “Happiest Place On Earth.”  It was still the middle of the damn night!!  The quest: to trot 6.2 miles in and around Epcot Center in the early morning darkness of humidity-laden central Florida with a bunch of other princesses-in-training (PITs) to complete the inaugural RunDisney Enchanted 10K. Incidentally, these PITs– nearly 10,000 of them– were clearly sniffing the hot glue they used to affix the sequins to their running costumes because not a one of them seemed to think that standing around at 4:00am in an amusement park parking lot, with thick fog and mist hanging in the air, listening to a second-rate DJ try to amp up the crowd with a pre-dawn rendition of Y-M-C-A was strange at all.  Forget the fact that we were all dressed up like anthropomorphized cartoon characters! It was in that moment I realized I may have been dressed a little like Minnie Mouse, but I was feeling Tweedle Dum!

But wait…there’s more…

As if waking up in the middle of the night to get all gussied up to run a 10K wasn’t ridiculous enough, consider doing it two days in a row!  Yes.  Me again.  Except on the second day, Sunday, February 23, 2014, I decided to run the RunDisney Princess Half Marathon instead of some measly 6.2 miles. I showed back up to the same parking lot I’d found myself in 24 short hours earlier. However, the intimate group of 10,000 PITs had swelled into a sparkly, tutu-ed, and tiara-ed mass of 26,000 (which included a few of my good friends and my little sister). I couldn’t understand how at 4:30am, standing there in the stagnant air, they all looked like they were about to collectively burst into a lively rendition of “It’s a Small World After All” while I stood there looking like I just got forced to sit through the show at The Hall of Presidents…twice!  I was definitely feeling like I’d bitten off a little more than I could chew.  As I looked around at all the cheerful faces, I could only wonder, “WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?!?!  What kind of Mickey Mouse crack are they smoking?!?!…Because I definitely could use some!”  Words  like “crazy,” “lunatic,” “mentally unstable,” “too old for this,” “not ready for this level of activity,” and “deluded,” began to fill my sleep-deprived cranium. These rapid-fire mental pronouncements were followed  by an internal dialogue that went a little something like this:

“OMG…why am I doing this?!?  It seemed like such a good idea when I  registered and paid the $288 to do this.”

                       “Well, you wanted to get THREE medals and all the running shirts you had coming to you. This is what you’re going to have to do.”

“Yeah, but it’s the middle of the night.  People aren’t supposed to run when they’re supposed to be asleep. I’m certain there’s some medical research that says this is not good for you. Do you think I have time to go back to the car and sleep for 15 minutes more?”

                 “Look, there are all of these other people who are wide awake and cheerful, so get with the program. And you’re running with your little sister and it’s her first 1/2 marathon, so pull your shit together, princess! STAT!”

“But look at them! They’re all clearly high on something!!!  I’m not even running yet and I have sweat rolling down my back and my legs.  And I’m really afraid my shorts are going to ride up and I’m going to get chub rub on my thighs.  And what if something happens and I’m too tired from running yesterday and I get swept from the course by someone called a “balloon lady”? And look at me. My outfit is so lame compared to some of these other ones.  I have the lamest Little Mermaid Costume EVER!  I look more like Daryl Hannah in Splash after they’ve had her all pent up in that tiny tank and she’s all scaly and wilted and sickly looking and whatnot.”

                “Well. Now you’ve really done it. Look at what you’ve done–gone and gotten us all worked up. I hope you’re satisfied. C’mon…we need to poop.”

IMG_0646
The Lame Mermaid and Cracked Belle

In two days, I proudly traversed 19.3 magical miles – The Glass Slipper Challenge (just like the brochure said I would). I ran through Sleeping Beauty’s castle, got my picture taken with a few Disney characters, and finished a 1/2 marathon side-by-side with my little sister.  I also got my three medals:  one for the Enchanted 10K, one for the Princess 1/2 Marathon, and one for “surviving” the Glass Slipper Challenge. Now granted, I was moving at a pace that would make a one-legged, malaria-ridden Kenyan look at me and say, “Really?!  That’s the best you could do??”  But it got done.  And even though the courses were crowded, “racing etiquette” really seemed to elude some folks, the humidity really wreaked havoc on me, and I mostly just felt unprepared for the back-to-back distances, somewhere along the way I too smoked the Disney crack….I smoked it good and long and hard!

IMG_0671
Smoke a little Disney crack…It all seems worth it!!

So now it seems I’m going to have to do a few things:

1.  Set up a special “Disney Races” savings account;
2. Take a crafts course in mastering the hot glue gun and Bedazzler;
3. Up my training and lose some more weight–she’s a mermaid, not a killer whale; and
4.  Brush up on all things Disney– when I told someone I hadn’t seen the movie “Frozen”, the gasp and look of shock and disbelief I received (from grown adults) is still branded in my memory.

So now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go.  Idina Menzel (aka. Adele Dazeem –thank you John Travolta) is currently singing “Let It Go” on the radio and I need to learn the words and sing along!

Advertisements

6 thoughts on “Run Like A Princess. Sweat Like A Whore In Church.

    1. Well, thanks! Even though I was kind of sarcastic here in my post, it really was a great time start to finish…and start to finish! Thanks for following my blog!

    1. Thanks, Yanni! They are hanging on my mirror and each and every morning I have to make the conscious decision to NOT wear them to work!!! I mean…they go with everything! ha ha ha!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s