WHISKEY TANGO

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Ink-redible Display Of Whiskey Tango!

Hey. Hey you. Uh, you dropped something over there on the ground. Oh, whoops. Sorry. It’s just your white trash!

Or, as my best friend and I like to call it, “Whiskey Tango.” I suspect that terminology will be sweeping the nation in no time. Let it be known, you heard it here first!

It can be used in a couple of ways:

“Wow. Look at that loud, drunk kid yelling at everyone. He is so whiskey tango.”

OR

“Oh my! Those two women who are publicly fighting over that belligerent guy are totally doing the whiskey tango.”

I often find myself overhearing people, when they are acting like buffoons and engaging in general poor white trashery, much to the chagrin of those around them, say, “I don’t care what people think!” In truth, it’s really more like, “I don’t give a F*&K what any of these MOTHER F*&KERS think!!”

You get the idea. You’ve probably experienced it first hand at one time or another–probably in a bar, at a sporting event, on your favorite Reality TV series, or at the Thanksgiving table at your drunk uncle’s house. There’s always one, people. There’s always one. If you can’t figure out who it is then grab a mirror and take a good look, because it might just maybe, possibly be YOU!

I’ll happily be the first to tell those people who walk around exclaiming their disregard for the opinions of others (because I’m sure they’re taking the time out of their incredibly busy schedules to read my blog)…YOU SHOULD. You absolutely should care what people think! It’s called socially appropriate etiquette. It’s determined and guided by mores and folkways and cultural norms and it’s what keeps our society from totally going the way of the dogs. Though it seems these days a lot of us are gorging on a solid diet of Purina and Scooby Snacks.

Sit…Sit….Good, Whiskey Tango. Good Boy.

Let me be clear here, I’m not talking about caring what people think when you might not be the most beautiful, fittest or thinnest, well-dressed, popular, or affluent person in the room. If people are arrogant enough to judge you because of that and treat you poorly as a consequence, then they too are horrible, terrible, awful human beings. Always remember , you don’t have to be a rich, Harvard-educated supermodel to conduct yourself with a little bit of class, just like you don’t have to be poor, fat, or uneducated to be white trash!

But just like you shouldn’t use plain old snobbery and elitism to look down your nose at others, if you’re using the “I don’t care what people think” argument as an excuse to act like a loud, obnoxious, classless, miscreant asshole, then you too might want to rethink your operating strategy. Because Whiskey Tango is kind of like the Macarena and Gangnam Style. It’s easy to do, there are a lot of people doing it, and for a while it seems to make people happy. But after a while, you know it’s just going to get old and totally overplayed. And unless your head is buried in the sand (or up your own rear end) you’ll realize, it’s so, so not cool to do! So take my advice now, folks…just say no to the Whiskey Tango and save yourself the humiliation.

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