Perhaps it was just a matter of time, but this novice runner was unprepared for what happened last weekend.
I got bit by a damn dog!!!
Wait, this blog is an experiment with the written word. It should probably sound more dramatic…
I got MAULED by a dog!!!! A big, ferocious, rabid-looking, monster of a dog!!!! Wild-eyed and frothing at the mouth!
There. That’s better.
But seriously. This little canine asshole bit me through a jacket, two shirts, and my running pants, and was still able to break skin on my stomach! He had ginsu teeth for sure!! I bet he could tear through a tin can and still be able to gently quarter a tomato for your salad.
The owner, who was truly mortified, said the dog is skittish and freaks out when someone sneaks up on him. Sneaks up on him?!? Does my fat ass look like a ninja?!?!!? Anyone who has seen me running knows a few things… Sister is not stealth; neither in sight nor sound. I’m usually wearing something that’s bright pink for starters. Couple that with the panting (1-900 numbers don’t do that much heavy breathing) and pavement slapping, and I’m pretty sure that a charging herd of asthmatic, neon-colored cattle would be less noticeable.
When I told my running buddy what happened, she immediately did an online search to find out how runners protect themselves from this sort of thing. Turns out, people are arming themselves with knives when they go out running. I’m just gonna say right now, I think I might have to just come to terms with dogs viewing me as a big slab of rawhide, because I just can’t see myself shankin’ a pooch!
I guess I need to learn to keep a greater distance between me and the dogs I see along my running routes. Or maybe I should hire this dog to chase me around the neighborhood. Bet I’d have personal records for speed on a regular basis!!!
RELEASE THE HOUNDS!!